If You Hate the Kardashians, You Are What’s Wrong With America!

KARDASHIAN-CHRISTMAS-CARD

Yes, you read right. If you are that person who rolls your eyes every time the “Kardashians” are mentioned or worse yet, if you admit you “hate” them, you are the problem in America. I have yet to hear a good answer when I ask people, “why do you hate the Kardashians?” They answer, “because they just want to be famous!” “because they have no talent!” or because “they are trashy whores!” Huh? Do people actually hear themselves? You HATE another human being because you believe they have no talent? When I ask people to give me a real, educated answer, they never can. That’s because they don’t even know why they hate them so much. So let me enlighten you. If you hate the Kardashians, you really hate yourself. You hate the fact that they are beautiful and you are not. You hate the fact you have to work at a job in which you are miserable. You hate the fact there are people out there making an enormous amount of money, what seems to be, in a very easy fashion. You hate the fact there are people who fly private planes, eat at the finest restaurants, are able to spend millions on their parties, and who can afford pretty much anything they want. And truth be told, you can’t. By the way people react to the Kardashians, you would think they are drug lords, or better yet, that they kill puppies and children.

Do they like fame? Yes. Do they enjoy a lavish lifestyle? Yes. Was their rise to fame seamlessly easy? Yes. Yet, none of those reasons are good enough to HATE another human being. I am very passionate about this subject for several reasons. First because I noticed that with the rise of social media, so did the rise of spewing hatred. People have no issue spreading hate on social media, cowardly, in the comfort of their own home. They would never have the guts to say any of these things to people’s faces, but have no issue typing away insults. Secondly, our mentality in the States is all wrong in regards to work. I know this very well because I used to think the same way. I will never forget a class I took in college where the teacher was asking whether or not the class respected prostitutes. “Of course not!” I firmly answered. “I work my butt off working 3 jobs while getting my master’s degree and all they do is spread their legs and get paid!” So my college professor asked me a question, “Connie, what if I had gorgeous hair, and all I did for a living was cut my hair and made tons of money by selling my lustrous, gorgeous locks. Would you respect me?” Without missing a beat I said, “No!” to which my professor responded with something that has stayed with me for years, “then you, my dear, are a Puritan!” Although profound, at the time that statement did not have the impact that it did years later while on my Personal Development journey.

I have read extraordinary books from extremely successful people: Napoleon Hill, Jack Canfield, Alan Cohen, Marianne Williamson, Eric Butterworth, Wallace Wattles, Robert Kiyosaki, and T. Harv Eker, just to name a few. Although said in various ways, their message is the same. It does not benefit us to envy and hate the rich. If we wish to be successful and wealthy, we must bless those that are already there.

My mentor, Alan Cohen’s motto is, “let it be easy”. As I already mentioned, this was a new concept for me. I grew up believing you had to work hard for your money, and that if you didn’t, you somehow cheated and were not respectable! It wasn’t until he enlightened me on the fact that if we have the mindset that we must work really hard in order to attain anything, that we will attract hard experiences. Our mind is very powerful. However, if we truly believe that life can be easy, and that it’s perfectly respectable to have an easier life, we will attract those experiences. Make no mistake, “easy” does not mean “lazy”. I am merely suggesting that we ease up on ourselves and stop making everything harder than it has to be. Remember, our mind is very powerful, if we expect things to be hard, make no mistake, they will be. I certainly don’t believe that life should only be rainbows and unicorns; that is neither realistic nor beneficial. I am a firm believer that challenges in life are necessary for us to grow.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a deep respect for people who work hard. I am still one of them since my programming from childhood is “you must work hard in order to make money”. Although I understand the concept of “let it be easy” on an intellectual level, I am still working on my subconscious to believe it. I actually do believe the Kardashians work hard since they are involved in several projects. No, they don’t work in construction, so it’s not that type of “hard”. Yes, all the projects they are involved in are fun and things they love to do: modeling, fashion, social media, appearances, star in their own reality show, etc. Is there something wrong doing what you love and making tons of money from it? So they originally got famous because Kim’s boyfriend leaked their sex video. Get over it! Many people have sex tapes out there and if they were ever leaked, it would probably have the opposite effect than Kim’s did. Anyway, that was years ago and the fact that they have remained famous is testimony to how smart and brilliant they are as business women. Sorry, you can’t deny that! They saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. I wish we were all that business savvy!

Something I often see the Internet trolls write on the Kardashians’ social media is, “stop being so greedy and give your money to charity!” My first question is, how do you know they don’t? (by the way, they do). Secondly, who are you to tell people how to spend their money? What are YOU doing for the poor? And don’t tell me you don’t have money to give to the poor. Most CAN give to the poor. Every single penny counts. But if you truly can’t, you can certainly give your time and volunteer. Even if only for a few hours a month. Whatever you can do, counts. I am tired of hearing that the rich and successful must be in charge of helping everyone else while others just sit and complain without doing ANYTHING TO HELP. Plus they have the nerve to be on social media all day and insult those who are successful. They are wasting their life. It is crucial to give, whether it be time or money, to others in need no matter how much you are making.

Stop hating people you have NEVER EVEN MET! Those that have met the Kardashian-Jenner family, have nothing but great things to say about them. I hear they are ambitious, driven, professional, sweet and very polite. You don’t personally know them, thus, you can’t speak about their character. Stop hating the rich, beautiful and successful. Get out there and BECOME rich and successful! Get off of social media where you envy others and spread hatred, and READ books on how to become rich by doing what you love. Go to personal development seminars. Hire a coach. Make a difference in the world. Do what you love and serve humanity. Stop waiting on the government to help you, stop waiting for ANYONE to help and help YOURSELF! Most importantly, stop the hate. There is so much going on in this world that needs our immediate attention. We need to be beacons of light, not darkness. Let’s spread love and light. Let’s stop bringing people down. Stop being so judgmental. What you say about another human being is never an indication on their character; it’s only an indication on your character. If you are constantly criticizing others, rest assure there is inner turmoil that you must deal with. Hurt people, hurt people. Truly successful and happy people do not criticize others. They do not spew hatred and do not bring others down. They want everyone to be happy and successful. This still doesn’t change your mind? That’s fine. Keep on hating.

Good luck with that!

Sending love & positive energy,

Connie

Forgiving: The Key to Break Free

“I never give people second chances,” I proudly used to say. “Once they cross me, they are dead to me!” I thought I was so cool by stating this. Now I realize there was absolutely nothing cool about such foolishness. I grew up believing that to forgive was to be weak. I thought I was strong by giving people the silent treatment and ignoring them. When I felt hurt by anyone, I made sure they knew. It wasn’t until I started to work on myself and studied with amazing mentors that I realized the only person I was hurting for so many years, was myself. The people who had “hurt” me had probably long forgotten, while I was still ruminating on the experience.

All of us have been deeply hurt at one point or another in our lives. I am sure there are a few people we can think of right away who we are unable to forgive. Perhaps they lied to us, or abused our trust. Or perhaps it was something even more serious such as physical, sexual or emotional abuse. We can justify our anger and give several reasons why this person is “unforgivable.” We believe we can get back at them by “hating” them for life.  They shall never receive our forgiveness. But who is really suffering? In her transformational book, You Can Heal Your Life, author Louise Hay says “being unwilling to forgive is a terrible thing to do to ourselves. Bitterness is like swallowing a teaspoon of poison every day. It accumulates and harms us. It’s impossible to be healthy and free when we keep ourselves bound to the past.”  I know several people very close to me who have the mentality of “I shall never forgive” and constantly bring up all the stories of how they were betrayed or hurt. As they speak of their story, they either get really angry or start crying. They are re-living the situation time and time again. They are stuck in the past and refuse to move on.

Most of us feel that if we forgive people, we are excusing their behavior. This is not the case. What we are really doing is freeing ourselves from the prison we created. It never feels good to be bitter, resentful, angry or vengeful. Best-selling author Marianne Williamson says “holding on to judgment, blame, attack, defense, victimization, and so forth are absolutely attacks on yourself.” We are truly not hurting anyone but ourselves by holding on to our grudges. We believe we are being powerful and strong, but we are actually being very weak. Forgiveness is not something we do for other people. We do it for ourselves to get well and move on. In his amazing book, Love is Letting Go of Fear, Dr. Gerald Jampolsky says “forgiveness does not mean assuming a position of superiority and putting up with or tolerating behavior in another person that we do not like. Forgiveness means correcting our misperception that the other person harmed us.”  Many people do not like to hear this, but nothing anyone ever does to us matters; what matters is how we choose to react to it.  When we are wronged by someone, we have choices. We can decide to learn a powerful lesson, forgive and move on, or we can decide to never forgive and in turn hurt ourselves and drink the poison. The choice is ours. Marianne Williamson continues by saying that “nothing anyone has ever done to you has permanent effects unless you hold on to it permanently.” Rather than upset us, this should makes us feel good. We can break free and let it go. We can start feeling good again and bless those that wronged us.

One of my favorite quotes from Louise Hay is “one of our biggest spiritual lessons is to understand that ‘everyone’ is doing the best they can at any given moment. People can only do so much with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that they have.” Something that really helps me on a day to day basis is that when someone mistreats me, I realize that only someone who is in a great deal of pain could possibly want to hurt another human being. So if someone is rude to me, rather than take it personally, I realize that person is hurting inside. The greater level of violence, the more they are hurting and the more they are in deep pain. Famous Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh said “whenever another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help.” I know many people in my life who are perceived as not very nice and have all had very tough childhoods. I am not excusing their behavior; I am simply understanding their behavior for my own personal growth.

I am not suggesting this is easy. I have personally battled with “forgiveness” issues all my life. But I do know that I am a much happier person than I was a few years ago. This is because I now (more often than not) choose love over fear.  I am “for-giving” love, not hate. Issues still come up, and I am still challenged, but I know the choice is mine. I am not a victim of circumstances; I create my own reality.

I also want to make it very clear that forgiving someone does not have to be in person, holding hands and singing Kumbaiah. You can write them a letter you never send or you can practice a forgiveness meditation in the comfort of your own home. They never have to know. Remember, this is mainly for you. You will know you have forgiven when you can think of them with no ill feelings and wish them well.

Never underestimate the power of forgiveness. There is an extraordinary story about a man named Dr. Hew Len, who healed a ward of mentally ill criminals. Dr. Len was assigned to one of the most intense mental hospitals in Hawaii; most of the patients were serious criminals who had committed crimes such as murder or rape. The staff was frightened of the patients since there were constant attacks among the patients and toward the staff. Turnover was very high. Once Dr. Len came on board, he requested the files for each patient and would close himself in his office. He would hardly request to see the patients; he was more interested in seeing their files. Eventually, a few patients became less aggressive. Other patients stopped attacking the staff. Staff started to stick around since the environment was becoming progressively better. Ultimately, most of the patients were cured and discharged. The hospital closed a few years later. So what was Dr. Len’s secret? He would grab each file one at a time, place his hand on the file and say a simple Hawaiian prayer called Ho’oponopono that goes “I love You, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank You.”

Yup, that’s it. That’s all it took. I am going to say it again, never underestimate the power of prayer or the power of forgiveness.

Are you ready to forgive and set yourself free?

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing to be Real

“I need some drugs!” I nervously told my Doctor, “strong drugs for anxiety!” “For what?” she curiously replied, “I was chosen to be the commencement speaker and represent the Master’s in Clinical Psychology class. That means I will be speaking in front of thousands! HELP ME!” “Sure. I will prescribe something for you.”

The day came and I was skipping along, totally relaxed and laughing “aren’t you super nervous?” my classmates asked, “nope. I’m on drugs!” I happily replied. They gave me a disturbed look and walked away.

When I walked on stage, I delivered an impeccable speech (if I may say so myself) and when I got off stage several people walked up to me, embraced me, and told me they were deeply inspired. Little did I know that was the seed that was planted for a future of inspirational speaking.

Since then, I have spoken in front of thousands, minus the drugs. Today, I am against medication and prefer a holistic approach. The times I spoke after that I wanted to make sure I could do it without medication and yet I was very fearful. After all, did you know the #1 fear in America is public speaking followed by the #2 fear which is death. That means that more people would rather be in the coffin that giving the eulogy. No joke. But I kept at it, and even though I was super nervous I just forced myself to do it and eventually, I became less and less fearful. Today, I can speak in front of a large crowd with no issues (and again, no drugs).

Have you ever noticed just how much our life is ruled by fear? I have and it’s not cute. We are really good at asking “what if?” and creating a billion scenarios of all the things that could go wrong. Hence, we stay in our comfort zone and do not move forward because we are fearful of what “might happen”. Sounds pretty silly, right? In her amazing book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers says that “it is reported that 90% of what we worry about never happens. That means that our negative worries have less than a 10% chance of being correct. If this is so, isn’t being positive more realistic than being negative?” Jeffers continues by saying that when she teaches the importance of being positive, most of her students tell her that it is not realistic to be positive. Then Jeffers asks a powerful question “what makes negative thinking more realistic?” Sure enough, they do not have an answer.

Truth be told, our mind is there to protect us. It finds a billion different “scary” outcomes because it thinks it’s helping us. Once you hear all the negative chatter in your mind, the best way to handle it is by talking to your head (make sure you don’t do this out loud unless you want people to think you have lost it) and say, “thank you, but I got this!”  My mentor Alan Cohen says, “Do you know what FEAR is the acronym for? False Evidence Appearing to be Real”.

I wish I could tell you there is a way to magically make fear disappear, but there isn’t. As long as there is growth, there will be some level of fear. If there is no fear in your life, that means you are stagnant and not growing. The good news is that the best way to ease fear is by simply “feeling the fear, and doing it anyway!” like Jeffers suggests. You will see how what you were afraid “might happen” will actually not happen and you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner, whether it was to start your own business, start a certain relationship, or leave that job you dread.

But what if you truly don’t succeed? Anthony Robbins tells us, “there is no such thing as failure, only results” which means that you take the results, study them, and learn what to NOT do next time. The great Michael Jordan puts it a different way, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Jordan goes on to say, “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

So go ahead, what are you waiting for?

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com

 

Are You Living Your Life’s Purpose?

Greetings Beautiful Souls,

Years ago, I was working at a 9-5 that I really disliked. Although I was making very good money, I knew that there was something missing. Then one day I picked up a book by Alan Cohen called Why Your Life Sucks (I know, hilarious title) and after reading that book my life was never the same. Among many fascinating topics, the book talks about getting out of jobs we dislike and following our passion. Everything in the book made sense to me so I decided I wanted to be a life-coach and inspirational speaker.  I quit my job, started my coaching business and never looked back.

Are you at a job that you really don’t care for? Do you know what your true life calling is but you are too afraid to pursue it? Scared of failing? Years ago I literally jumped off a cliff and had no idea whether I would succeed or not. If I told you that everything worked our perfectly from day one I would be lying to you. I went from making great money to making no money and I had plenty of stressful times and often wondered when it would “pay off”.

They say “winners are not people who never fail, but people who never quit”. I did not quit and today I have a very successful coaching business and my job mainly consists of leading events and spiritual retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai and Italy. Not a bad gig, eh?

We live in a society that believes work is for the safe paycheck and that we could not possibly make a living off of what we would truly love to do. That to me is nonsense! There is a reason why you are passionate about certain things. What are you really good at that you truly enjoy doing? I believe we are not here to simply waste oxygen; we all have a calling. There is something you can do, that no one else in this world can do exactly the way you can; and the world is waiting for you to do it! Do not worry about “how”; our mind is great at getting in our way. Simply trust that there is a reason why you are so incredibly passionate about something and go for it! Once I truly started trusting and stopped worrying about the “how”, doors started to magically open for me. Opportunities came out of nowhere. It was miraculous.  Never underestimate the power of faith.

Now, I am not suggesting you do what I did and just quit your job. But how about starting with baby steps? What can you do now that can help you get closer to living your life’s purpose? Perhaps some research, sending a particular email or making a phone call? If you just spend 30 minutes a day working towards your goal, can you imagine where you will be in 6 months? A year? All you need is discipline. In order to have discipline you must have a clear goal in mind.  What kept me going was the thought of being my own boss, making a difference in people’s lives, and taking people on transformational journeys to places I loved around the world. So basically, all you have to do is shut-off the TV at night and work on building the life you were meant to live. The life you deserve.

You see, what you don’t want is to be 80 years old, sitting on a rocking chair wondering “what if?” You want to be 80 years old, sitting on a rocking chair looking back at your life and saying “hell yeah!”

I will leave you with a beautiful quote from my mentor, Alan Cohen “You cannot do, what you were meant to do, by continuing to do, what you were not meant to do.”

I believe in YOU!

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com

Greetings Beautiful Souls!

I am VERY passionate about what I do. Years ago, I read the book Why Your Life Sucks by Alan Cohen and it forever changed my life. I decided to leave my career and become a life-coach & inspirational speaker. Many told me I was “crazy” and that I would “fail”. Well, several years later, I have a very successful coaching career and my job mainly consists of leading retreats and events in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy. Today, I am passionate about empowering others to live their life’s purpose.

I am currently writing my first book on self-love. I started this blog because I love to pass on the tools that have helped me throughout the years. I am an avid reader and love to pull from all these amazing, inspirational and transformational books.

I hope you enjoy my blog. I write with YOU in mind.

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie Costa

www.ConnieCosta.com