FEAR: False Evidence Appearing to be Real

“I need some drugs!” I nervously told my Doctor, “strong drugs for anxiety!” “For what?” she curiously replied, “I was chosen to be the commencement speaker and represent the Master’s in Clinical Psychology class. That means I will be speaking in front of thousands! HELP ME!” “Sure. I will prescribe something for you.”

The day came and I was skipping along, totally relaxed and laughing “aren’t you super nervous?” my classmates asked, “nope. I’m on drugs!” I happily replied. They gave me a disturbed look and walked away.

When I walked on stage, I delivered an impeccable speech (if I may say so myself) and when I got off stage several people walked up to me, embraced me, and told me they were deeply inspired. Little did I know that was the seed that was planted for a future of inspirational speaking.

Since then, I have spoken in front of thousands, minus the drugs. Today, I am against medication and prefer a holistic approach. The times I spoke after that I wanted to make sure I could do it without medication and yet I was very fearful. After all, did you know the #1 fear in America is public speaking followed by the #2 fear which is death. That means that more people would rather be in the coffin that giving the eulogy. No joke. But I kept at it, and even though I was super nervous I just forced myself to do it and eventually, I became less and less fearful. Today, I can speak in front of a large crowd with no issues (and again, no drugs).

Have you ever noticed just how much our life is ruled by fear? I have and it’s not cute. We are really good at asking “what if?” and creating a billion scenarios of all the things that could go wrong. Hence, we stay in our comfort zone and do not move forward because we are fearful of what “might happen”. Sounds pretty silly, right? In her amazing book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers says that “it is reported that 90% of what we worry about never happens. That means that our negative worries have less than a 10% chance of being correct. If this is so, isn’t being positive more realistic than being negative?” Jeffers continues by saying that when she teaches the importance of being positive, most of her students tell her that it is not realistic to be positive. Then Jeffers asks a powerful question “what makes negative thinking more realistic?” Sure enough, they do not have an answer.

Truth be told, our mind is there to protect us. It finds a billion different “scary” outcomes because it thinks it’s helping us. Once you hear all the negative chatter in your mind, the best way to handle it is by talking to your head (make sure you don’t do this out loud unless you want people to think you have lost it) and say, “thank you, but I got this!”  My mentor Alan Cohen says, “Do you know what FEAR is the acronym for? False Evidence Appearing to be Real”.

I wish I could tell you there is a way to magically make fear disappear, but there isn’t. As long as there is growth, there will be some level of fear. If there is no fear in your life, that means you are stagnant and not growing. The good news is that the best way to ease fear is by simply “feeling the fear, and doing it anyway!” like Jeffers suggests. You will see how what you were afraid “might happen” will actually not happen and you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner, whether it was to start your own business, start a certain relationship, or leave that job you dread.

But what if you truly don’t succeed? Anthony Robbins tells us, “there is no such thing as failure, only results” which means that you take the results, study them, and learn what to NOT do next time. The great Michael Jordan puts it a different way, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Jordan goes on to say, “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

So go ahead, what are you waiting for?

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com

 

Are You Living Your Life’s Purpose?

Greetings Beautiful Souls,

Years ago, I was working at a 9-5 that I really disliked. Although I was making very good money, I knew that there was something missing. Then one day I picked up a book by Alan Cohen called Why Your Life Sucks (I know, hilarious title) and after reading that book my life was never the same. Among many fascinating topics, the book talks about getting out of jobs we dislike and following our passion. Everything in the book made sense to me so I decided I wanted to be a life-coach and inspirational speaker.  I quit my job, started my coaching business and never looked back.

Are you at a job that you really don’t care for? Do you know what your true life calling is but you are too afraid to pursue it? Scared of failing? Years ago I literally jumped off a cliff and had no idea whether I would succeed or not. If I told you that everything worked our perfectly from day one I would be lying to you. I went from making great money to making no money and I had plenty of stressful times and often wondered when it would “pay off”.

They say “winners are not people who never fail, but people who never quit”. I did not quit and today I have a very successful coaching business and my job mainly consists of leading events and spiritual retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai and Italy. Not a bad gig, eh?

We live in a society that believes work is for the safe paycheck and that we could not possibly make a living off of what we would truly love to do. That to me is nonsense! There is a reason why you are passionate about certain things. What are you really good at that you truly enjoy doing? I believe we are not here to simply waste oxygen; we all have a calling. There is something you can do, that no one else in this world can do exactly the way you can; and the world is waiting for you to do it! Do not worry about “how”; our mind is great at getting in our way. Simply trust that there is a reason why you are so incredibly passionate about something and go for it! Once I truly started trusting and stopped worrying about the “how”, doors started to magically open for me. Opportunities came out of nowhere. It was miraculous.  Never underestimate the power of faith.

Now, I am not suggesting you do what I did and just quit your job. But how about starting with baby steps? What can you do now that can help you get closer to living your life’s purpose? Perhaps some research, sending a particular email or making a phone call? If you just spend 30 minutes a day working towards your goal, can you imagine where you will be in 6 months? A year? All you need is discipline. In order to have discipline you must have a clear goal in mind.  What kept me going was the thought of being my own boss, making a difference in people’s lives, and taking people on transformational journeys to places I loved around the world. So basically, all you have to do is shut-off the TV at night and work on building the life you were meant to live. The life you deserve.

You see, what you don’t want is to be 80 years old, sitting on a rocking chair wondering “what if?” You want to be 80 years old, sitting on a rocking chair looking back at your life and saying “hell yeah!”

I will leave you with a beautiful quote from my mentor, Alan Cohen “You cannot do, what you were meant to do, by continuing to do, what you were not meant to do.”

I believe in YOU!

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com

Greetings Beautiful Souls!

I am VERY passionate about what I do. Years ago, I read the book Why Your Life Sucks by Alan Cohen and it forever changed my life. I decided to leave my career and become a life-coach & inspirational speaker. Many told me I was “crazy” and that I would “fail”. Well, several years later, I have a very successful coaching career and my job mainly consists of leading retreats and events in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy. Today, I am passionate about empowering others to live their life’s purpose.

I am currently writing my first book on self-love. I started this blog because I love to pass on the tools that have helped me throughout the years. I am an avid reader and love to pull from all these amazing, inspirational and transformational books.

I hope you enjoy my blog. I write with YOU in mind.

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie Costa

www.ConnieCosta.com