If You Hate the Kardashians, You Are What’s Wrong With America!

KARDASHIAN-CHRISTMAS-CARD

Yes, you read right. If you are that person who rolls your eyes every time the “Kardashians” are mentioned or worse yet, if you admit you “hate” them, you are the problem in America. I have yet to hear a good answer when I ask people, “why do you hate the Kardashians?” They answer, “because they just want to be famous!” “because they have no talent!” or because “they are trashy whores!” Huh? Do people actually hear themselves? You HATE another human being because you believe they have no talent? When I ask people to give me a real, educated answer, they never can. That’s because they don’t even know why they hate them so much. So let me enlighten you. If you hate the Kardashians, you really hate yourself. You hate the fact that they are beautiful and you are not. You hate the fact you have to work at a job in which you are miserable. You hate the fact there are people out there making an enormous amount of money, what seems to be, in a very easy fashion. You hate the fact there are people who fly private planes, eat at the finest restaurants, are able to spend millions on their parties, and who can afford pretty much anything they want. And truth be told, you can’t. By the way people react to the Kardashians, you would think they are drug lords, or better yet, that they kill puppies and children.

Do they like fame? Yes. Do they enjoy a lavish lifestyle? Yes. Was their rise to fame seamlessly easy? Yes. Yet, none of those reasons are good enough to HATE another human being. I am very passionate about this subject for several reasons. First because I noticed that with the rise of social media, so did the rise of spewing hatred. People have no issue spreading hate on social media, cowardly, in the comfort of their own home. They would never have the guts to say any of these things to people’s faces, but have no issue typing away insults. Secondly, our mentality in the States is all wrong in regards to work. I know this very well because I used to think the same way. I will never forget a class I took in college where the teacher was asking whether or not the class respected prostitutes. “Of course not!” I firmly answered. “I work my butt off working 3 jobs while getting my master’s degree and all they do is spread their legs and get paid!” So my college professor asked me a question, “Connie, what if I had gorgeous hair, and all I did for a living was cut my hair and made tons of money by selling my lustrous, gorgeous locks. Would you respect me?” Without missing a beat I said, “No!” to which my professor responded with something that has stayed with me for years, “then you, my dear, are a Puritan!” Although profound, at the time that statement did not have the impact that it did years later while on my Personal Development journey.

I have read extraordinary books from extremely successful people: Napoleon Hill, Jack Canfield, Alan Cohen, Marianne Williamson, Eric Butterworth, Wallace Wattles, Robert Kiyosaki, and T. Harv Eker, just to name a few. Although said in various ways, their message is the same. It does not benefit us to envy and hate the rich. If we wish to be successful and wealthy, we must bless those that are already there.

My mentor, Alan Cohen’s motto is, “let it be easy”. As I already mentioned, this was a new concept for me. I grew up believing you had to work hard for your money, and that if you didn’t, you somehow cheated and were not respectable! It wasn’t until he enlightened me on the fact that if we have the mindset that we must work really hard in order to attain anything, that we will attract hard experiences. Our mind is very powerful. However, if we truly believe that life can be easy, and that it’s perfectly respectable to have an easier life, we will attract those experiences. Make no mistake, “easy” does not mean “lazy”. I am merely suggesting that we ease up on ourselves and stop making everything harder than it has to be. Remember, our mind is very powerful, if we expect things to be hard, make no mistake, they will be. I certainly don’t believe that life should only be rainbows and unicorns; that is neither realistic nor beneficial. I am a firm believer that challenges in life are necessary for us to grow.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a deep respect for people who work hard. I am still one of them since my programming from childhood is “you must work hard in order to make money”. Although I understand the concept of “let it be easy” on an intellectual level, I am still working on my subconscious to believe it. I actually do believe the Kardashians work hard since they are involved in several projects. No, they don’t work in construction, so it’s not that type of “hard”. Yes, all the projects they are involved in are fun and things they love to do: modeling, fashion, social media, appearances, star in their own reality show, etc. Is there something wrong doing what you love and making tons of money from it? So they originally got famous because Kim’s boyfriend leaked their sex video. Get over it! Many people have sex tapes out there and if they were ever leaked, it would probably have the opposite effect than Kim’s did. Anyway, that was years ago and the fact that they have remained famous is testimony to how smart and brilliant they are as business women. Sorry, you can’t deny that! They saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. I wish we were all that business savvy!

Something I often see the Internet trolls write on the Kardashians’ social media is, “stop being so greedy and give your money to charity!” My first question is, how do you know they don’t? (by the way, they do). Secondly, who are you to tell people how to spend their money? What are YOU doing for the poor? And don’t tell me you don’t have money to give to the poor. Most CAN give to the poor. Every single penny counts. But if you truly can’t, you can certainly give your time and volunteer. Even if only for a few hours a month. Whatever you can do, counts. I am tired of hearing that the rich and successful must be in charge of helping everyone else while others just sit and complain without doing ANYTHING TO HELP. Plus they have the nerve to be on social media all day and insult those who are successful. They are wasting their life. It is crucial to give, whether it be time or money, to others in need no matter how much you are making.

Stop hating people you have NEVER EVEN MET! Those that have met the Kardashian-Jenner family, have nothing but great things to say about them. I hear they are ambitious, driven, professional, sweet and very polite. You don’t personally know them, thus, you can’t speak about their character. Stop hating the rich, beautiful and successful. Get out there and BECOME rich and successful! Get off of social media where you envy others and spread hatred, and READ books on how to become rich by doing what you love. Go to personal development seminars. Hire a coach. Make a difference in the world. Do what you love and serve humanity. Stop waiting on the government to help you, stop waiting for ANYONE to help and help YOURSELF! Most importantly, stop the hate. There is so much going on in this world that needs our immediate attention. We need to be beacons of light, not darkness. Let’s spread love and light. Let’s stop bringing people down. Stop being so judgmental. What you say about another human being is never an indication on their character; it’s only an indication on your character. If you are constantly criticizing others, rest assure there is inner turmoil that you must deal with. Hurt people, hurt people. Truly successful and happy people do not criticize others. They do not spew hatred and do not bring others down. They want everyone to be happy and successful. This still doesn’t change your mind? That’s fine. Keep on hating.

Good luck with that!

Sending love & positive energy,

Connie

To Bethany, With Love: Coping with a Child’s Death

“I need to excuse myself to make a quick phone call to the hotel. I’ll be right back” I excitedly told the group. I was in paradise, aka Sicily, leading my most recent Transformational Journey to Italy. We were in the middle of one of the best days we had had yet: an extraordinary cooking class with a Countess in her majestic Palazzo when I suddenly remembered I had to call my hotel and make some arrangements. Alone in one of the rooms, I picked up my phone and saw a Facebook notification pop-up; my husband had just updated his Facebook status and it read, “The Heavens opened-up today and took back one of its sweetest Angels. Took her way too early. Did not get enough time to play with her, to see her run, or to call me uncle. I hope to one day get that chance, LOVE YOU Bethany.” My heart immediately sank; I threw the phone on the bed. I could not believe it. My baby niece, Bethany, had passed away at only 9 months old from a rare disease called “Biliary Atresia” just two days shy from her liver transplant. I went into the room where the cooking class was being held and called my colleague, Dr. Sarah Larsen. “She’s gone!” I told her and I threw myself in her arms, tears streaming down my face. For the next several hours, I cried, screamed, or simply sat in silence. My heart was broken.
Having grown up in Sicily, Italy, I learned that family was everything. I watched as all of my cousins marry their childhood sweethearts, have exquisite weddings, buy gorgeous homes and start beautiful families. Their entire lives revolved around good food and family. Every weekend, we would hang out with our close and extended families. I knew that when I grew up, I wanted the exact thing. So I attracted just that: a man with an amazing family (The Gomez) and with the same set of values I have. The Gomez family is very tight. All of our kids are growing up together and we love to hang out almost every weekend. The death of one of our own was something that none of us expected, or knew how to deal with.
This led me to ask deeper questions about death. These days I’ve been reading Alan Cohen, Leo Buscaglia and talking a lot to Dr. Sarah Larsen. As a Spiritual person, I know that our soul never dies. Alan Cohen says, “There is no death. What was never born can never die. That which is truly alive lives eternally.” Our physical bodies are simply vessels, but that is not the essence of who we truly are. We have a beautiful spirit that lives on for eternity. Cohen continues, “Death has no power over the spirit. Nothing has power over the spirit. We are spiritual beings, and no matter what seems to be happening in the physical world, who we truly are is always very much alive, whole, and in love.” The sacred book, A Course in Miracles, states “Death is the central dream from which all illusions stem. Is it not madness to think of life as being born, aging, losing vitality, and dying in the end?…it is one fixed, unchangeable belief of the world, that all things in it are born only to die…and no one asks if a benign Creator could will this.”
Bethany lit up every room she was in. Even in her discomfort due to the disease, she was constantly laughing at everything. Her smile made everyone’s heart melt. Her energy and essence were beautiful.
And the best part of all: she is STILL all of that and more! She is now happier and healthier than ever, and we are blessed that she is now watching over all of us. We are fortunate to have the extraordinary medium, Dr. Sarah Larsen, in our life who was able to have Bethany communicate with her parents. They talked for close to two hours, and in those two hours, Bethany’s parents truly got that their child was alive more than ever. This brought them an enormous amount of peace and happiness. Recently at a wedding, I overheard a mother complain that her daughter was crying too much. I immediately thought of my sister-in-law, and how she would give anything to hear Bethany cry again. If anything, death should teach us to not take each other for granted. Any of us can go at anytime. Think of all the petty arguments we get into with our loved ones. At whom are you currently mad and not on speaking terms? What if you knew it was that person’s last day on this earth? What if this was your last day on earth? We often ignore this fact, thinking it won’t happen to us but guess what? It happens to all of us. It’s just not worth it. If anything, this experience teaches me to be kinder toward those I love. How many times are we too hard on our own kids? Yelling, screaming, belittling, judging them and loving them only conditionally (if they do what we say). What if today was the day we stopped all of that? What if today we accepted everyone as they are, truly forgave, and learned to love everyone unconditionally? American author, Leo Buscaglia, puts it beautifully, “Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time… It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other.”
Are you ready to love – today?
Sending you lots of love & positive energy,
Connie Costa

Your Soul Mate is Waiting

With tears in my eyes, I watched how my fiancé rode away in the Greyhound bus with a one-way ticket destined to Florida. I never saw him again. We had been together for several years and I was positive that he was “the one.” Sadly, a few years earlier, he became addicted to a harmful substance.

I was very young and naïve. I noticed Greg was behaving differently, but I had no idea what was going on with him. Greg’s behavior worsened. He became extremely jealous, paranoid, angry, depressed, and irresponsible. One day, I caught him having a conversation with his television. That’s when I decided that I was no longer going to put myself through that. Many times when a loved one is going through a hard time we desperately want to “save them”. For months, I tried to “save Greg”, but all in vain. I then realized that I could not save Greg; Greg had to save himself. Today I know the most important reason why I did not stay in the relationship: I love and respect myself. I did not want to stay in a toxic relationship, and I knew I deserved better.

How many times do we stay in a relationship that no longer serves us (or our partners)? We either stay because we hope they will change, feel bad for them, prefer feeling comfortable, or are afraid we will not find a better relationship. We fear the unknown and prefer to be miserable because at least we know what to expect. My Sicilian cousin, Gianni, was in a relationship for over 12 years, and for most of those years it had been an extremely toxic and unhealthy relationship. When I asked why he did not end it, he would always say he felt bad for her. I explained to Gianni that precisely for that reason it wasn’t fair to her, and that the best thing he could do was to end the relationship so she could move on and find someone who truly wanted to be with her. We are doing a disservice by staying in relationships we know are going nowhere. Gianni was standing in the way of his own happiness. Subconsciously, he believed he did not deserve a healthy relationship and that it was too good to be true. It wasn’t until he opened up to the possibility that perhaps his true soul mate was out there waiting for him and understood that relationships are not meant to be a struggle and full of pain. By the grace of God, I convinced him, and he is now in a healthy, loving relationship and recently got engaged. Gianni cannot thank me enough. His ex-girlfriend is now free to find her soul mate as well, rather than staying with someone who simply pitied her.

Too many people live in what I like to call a “life coma.” It seems as if they are living, but they really aren’t. They are just going through the motions. They are in loveless relationships, but make excuses as to why they should stay. “I am doing it for the kids” is a very popular excuse. Quite frankly, I think the best example we can give to our children is to be in loving, positive relationships even if it’s not mommy with daddy. Our children can sense when we are unhappy, so we are setting the example of sacrifice to our children. In essence, we are saying that you must stay in a relationship even if you are miserable for the sake of the kids.

I expected Greg to eventually return healed, so that we could finally get married. However, life had other plans. Months later, I started dating a lovely man named George, fell in love, and for over 12 years we have been going strong. Had you told me at that train station that Greg was not the one I was meant to marry and that someone else was my soul mate, I would have thought you were insane. I believed it with my heart and soul that he was the one. Now I know the true meaning of love, and I could not have chosen a better partner.

Most people go from one relationship to the next. Their deepest fear is to be alone. They act like monkeys; hanging on to the next branch before they let go of the first branch. I do not recommend this. I believe it is essential to take some time off and reflect on the last relationship. We cannot simply blame our ex-partners for what went wrong. We must see what part we played in the relationship as well. Only then, will we truly grow. Chew on this for a bit: are you always attracting partners that cheat, or lie, or criticize you, or___? Then is it safe to say that you have strong beliefs around these issues. If you are always saying things such as “men are all cheaters” please realize that that is exactly what you are going to attract in your life. Our egos want to prove us right, so we keep attracting the same type of people. This all happens on a subconscious level.  The only way to break the pattern and avoid this from happening is to do the inner work. Stop looking for your other half, you are not broken! And stop saying you need someone to “complete” you. The more you work on yourself the more you will attract an amazing partner. Alan Cohen says, “When you fall in love with yourself, you will be irresistible to everyone else.”

Please do not settle for less. We are all meant to have blissful, loving, and respectful relationships. Here are some fun exercises that will assist you in attracting your soul mate.

  1. First you must believe that your soul mate is out there.
  2. Write a list of your perfect mate’s characteristics, leave nothing out. Write physical and emotional traits. Do you want a partner that supports you in your career? That respects you? That is loyal? Write it all down. Make sure your list is positive and in the present tense, for example, write “my partner is loyal” as opposed to “my partner will never cheat”. This is really important.
  3. Write a list of the type of person you need to be in order to attract such a wonderful partner in your life. If you want a positive partner, then you cannot be a negative person. Like attracts like. Or if you want a partner that leads a healthy lifestyle you cannot be the type of person that eats chips and watches TV all day. Take steps towards becoming a better version of yourself.
  4. Know that you DESERVE to have this partner. Write a list of all your wonderful attributes.
  5. Be happy NOW. Schedule fun things to do such as dinner dates with friends, join a yoga class, read an inspiring book or go on a Spiritual retreat. Do things that nourish your soul. Be grateful for what you have now.

Your soul mate is waiting for you. Are you ready to let them in your life?

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com

 

 

 

 

 

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing to be Real

“I need some drugs!” I nervously told my Doctor, “strong drugs for anxiety!” “For what?” she curiously replied, “I was chosen to be the commencement speaker and represent the Master’s in Clinical Psychology class. That means I will be speaking in front of thousands! HELP ME!” “Sure. I will prescribe something for you.”

The day came and I was skipping along, totally relaxed and laughing “aren’t you super nervous?” my classmates asked, “nope. I’m on drugs!” I happily replied. They gave me a disturbed look and walked away.

When I walked on stage, I delivered an impeccable speech (if I may say so myself) and when I got off stage several people walked up to me, embraced me, and told me they were deeply inspired. Little did I know that was the seed that was planted for a future of inspirational speaking.

Since then, I have spoken in front of thousands, minus the drugs. Today, I am against medication and prefer a holistic approach. The times I spoke after that I wanted to make sure I could do it without medication and yet I was very fearful. After all, did you know the #1 fear in America is public speaking followed by the #2 fear which is death. That means that more people would rather be in the coffin that giving the eulogy. No joke. But I kept at it, and even though I was super nervous I just forced myself to do it and eventually, I became less and less fearful. Today, I can speak in front of a large crowd with no issues (and again, no drugs).

Have you ever noticed just how much our life is ruled by fear? I have and it’s not cute. We are really good at asking “what if?” and creating a billion scenarios of all the things that could go wrong. Hence, we stay in our comfort zone and do not move forward because we are fearful of what “might happen”. Sounds pretty silly, right? In her amazing book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers says that “it is reported that 90% of what we worry about never happens. That means that our negative worries have less than a 10% chance of being correct. If this is so, isn’t being positive more realistic than being negative?” Jeffers continues by saying that when she teaches the importance of being positive, most of her students tell her that it is not realistic to be positive. Then Jeffers asks a powerful question “what makes negative thinking more realistic?” Sure enough, they do not have an answer.

Truth be told, our mind is there to protect us. It finds a billion different “scary” outcomes because it thinks it’s helping us. Once you hear all the negative chatter in your mind, the best way to handle it is by talking to your head (make sure you don’t do this out loud unless you want people to think you have lost it) and say, “thank you, but I got this!”  My mentor Alan Cohen says, “Do you know what FEAR is the acronym for? False Evidence Appearing to be Real”.

I wish I could tell you there is a way to magically make fear disappear, but there isn’t. As long as there is growth, there will be some level of fear. If there is no fear in your life, that means you are stagnant and not growing. The good news is that the best way to ease fear is by simply “feeling the fear, and doing it anyway!” like Jeffers suggests. You will see how what you were afraid “might happen” will actually not happen and you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner, whether it was to start your own business, start a certain relationship, or leave that job you dread.

But what if you truly don’t succeed? Anthony Robbins tells us, “there is no such thing as failure, only results” which means that you take the results, study them, and learn what to NOT do next time. The great Michael Jordan puts it a different way, “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Jordan goes on to say, “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

So go ahead, what are you waiting for?

Sending you lots of love and positive energy,

Connie

Connie Costa is a Writer, Inspirational Speaker & Life-Coach

She leads transformational events and retreats in Beverly Hills, Ojai & Italy

www.ConnieCosta.comConnie@ConnieCosta.com